How to Stop Relapsing: The Science of Sustainable Change

You've made it a week. Maybe two. Then something happens—stress at work, a fight with your partner, a moment of boredom—and suddenly you're back at day one. Again.

Relapse isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign that your system has gaps. Here's how to close them.

Why Relapse Happens

Relapse follows predictable patterns. Understanding these patterns is the first step to breaking them:

The HALT Triggers

Most relapses occur when you're:

• Hungry – Low blood sugar impairs decision-making
• Angry – Emotional dysregulation seeks an outlet
• Lonely – Isolation amplifies cravings
• Tired – Exhaustion destroys willpower

The Relapse Chain

Relapse doesn't happen in a moment. It's a chain of decisions:

1. Seemingly irrelevant decisions ("I'll just browse Reddit for a minute")
2. High-risk situation (alone, bored, late at night)
3. Lapse (first slip)
4. Abstinence violation effect ("I've already failed, might as well go all in")
5. Full relapse

The key is breaking the chain early. By the time you're in a high-risk situation, you've already lost most of the battle.

Building a Relapse-Proof System

1. Map Your Triggers

Get specific. When do you relapse? Where? What emotional state precedes it? The more precisely you understand your patterns, the better you can disrupt them.

2. Create Implementation Intentions

"If X happens, I will do Y." Example: "If I feel an urge after 10pm, I will do 20 pushups and then read for 10 minutes." Pre-committing to specific responses bypasses decision fatigue.

3. Design Your Environment

Remove friction for good behaviors, add friction for bad ones. If you have to actively bypass multiple barriers to access content, you give yourself time to reconsider.

4. Have an Accountability System

Whether it's a friend, a community, or a coach—external accountability dramatically improves outcomes. Shame thrives in secrecy. Bring your struggle into the light.

After a Relapse

If you slip, the worst thing you can do is spiral into shame and binge further. Instead:

1. Stop immediately. One slip is recoverable; a binge sets you back significantly.
2. Analyze without judgment. What led to this? Where did the chain start?
3. Update your system. What gap does this reveal? How do you close it?
4. Start again. Not tomorrow—right now.

Every relapse is data. Use it to build a better system. The men who succeed aren't the ones who never fall—they're the ones who keep getting back up.